THE POWER WE HAVE

 

YOU have the power to say, "This is NOT how my story will end."

And so, my story goes on... after a four-year absence. 

There's SO MUCH to say, SO MUCH to catch you up on, SO MUCH that's happened!

At this moment, I have no idea how or if I will fill in all the gaps left with me not blogging at all these last four years. It's A LOT! Honestly, it's so much that it almost broke me! And I think it's come close to breaking some of my kids! Grown kids. They are all adults now, legally speaking. The post-lockdown years sure have been challenging for everyone that I know! 

For now, I'm following the wisdom of the Sea Turtle.

Travel at your own pace.

Most days, my pace is slower than others I know. My body struggles under the weight of multiple chronic health issues that the doctors I am able to go to have given up finding ways to make anything better for me. So I must pace myself accordingly. 

Stay calm under pressure.

THIS is me! All my life I've been the one remaining calm no matter how high the pressure of the situation becomes. Head injuries. Childbirth. Car accidents. Life-Flights. All sorts of minor injuries and ailments that others just can't deal with. 

(Maybe I am a Sea Turtle at heart?)

Trust the flow.

For a sea turtle, trusting the flow of the oceans to carry you along wherever you're going is a key method to traveling about their daily life. For a human, maybe it's like "going with the flow" and being an easy-going person, dealing with whatever comes your way, not getting bent-out-of-shape because it's not going the way you wanted to go. Most of my life, this is exactly what I've done. The few exceptions were absolutely necessary at that time.

Be comfortable in your own shell.

This one, I'm working on! Opinions of others, usually people I considered important to me, mattered enough that I believed so much of the negative and disparaging things they told me. My life was often so busy I never gave any time to changing this. Now that I'm dealing with so many physical limitations, which slow me down and oddly, allow me more time to think about such things, I am questioning those opinions AND limiting my exposure to all those who choose to make me aware of how little they think of me. I'm spending more time with people who accept me for me, not for who they want me to be. Gradually, little changes are coming about that reflect the true me! The person I've always been! A person gaining confidence in her own shell and becoming more comfortable about it!

Enjoy time alone!

TIME ALONE! Just a rare treat in my life! Raising six kids makes any time alone a real treasure. It's been ages since I've really enjoyed any time alone! The kids are grown now, though some with more challenging special needs do still need a lot of me in their lives. More often than at any other point in my life, I am finding more time to be alone in ways that I truly enjoy! THAT is a WONDERFUL THING!

KEEP MOVING FORWARD

KEEP MOVING FORWARD! This has always been my direction - forward! The past can creep in and take over sometimes but I fight that and get more focused on moving forward! Today, I'm reviving my writing. I will find that way to write my books! There is too much in me to not share it with others, to not help others with what I know, to encourage and inspire others who may find my books and feel it is exactly what they need at that moment!

MY STORY IS NOT ENDING,

IT IS MOVING FORWARD!

First Day of Spring 2022

 

First day of Spring in 2022!

It’s been a very long winter & a very, very, very long year, so far!

2022 began with my stove’s motherboard suffering a catastrophic failure, just as we were ready to bake pizzas! Less than 24 hours later I suffered an allergic reaction that took nearly a week to get under control. (Note to Self: Always read all ingredients; even when buying from a “safe” bakery!) As the allergy symptoms were fading, symptoms of what was probably a covid infection began. The rest of January was spent being ill and then recovering. As all four of us (3 daughters & myself) ended up ill & 2 tested positive for the virus, it had a serious impact on anticipated income. When you are paid by the hour or by the job and are unable to work due to all the restrictions related to this particular virus it seriously hinders your ability to pay bills and buy food! Now that it’s 2022, almost all of the financial resources available during the first year of this pandemic are gone. As difficult as it was, we all survived January, feeling like February would be better.

For a day or two, February seemed to be a better month. It did at least begin a little better. One daughter was able to get hired on at a daycare center that would happily work around her college schedule. The other two finally got negative tests for the virus and could return to work. That wasn’t quite as smooth as expected. For one, viral infections at her workplace ended up at times closing the store – so no work; or putting my girl on a 5-day quarantine because someone on one of her shifts has tested positive for the virus! And the other one had a few jobs cancel because someone in their home now had the virus! Then the 3^rd one, who was hired on at the daycare and was waiting final confirmation of the job along with her first day of work & schedule for the remaining days that week, opened a message one morning saying she was expected at work in about 1 hour! The manager thought she’d sent an email several days earlier about this. It was later discovered that she forgot to attach the document with all that information. To add to that first week of work, her car died! At first, we had hope it was something simple & repairable. It ended up be total engine failure! So now we’ve spent all of February using one car to get all 4 of us to various jobs & classes, in addition to healthcare appointments and routine errands & shopping needs. We took this one car in for a routine oil change and discovered it would need the brakes worked on within the next 4 weeks or so, the sooner the better. Meanwhile, we’re all (along with many other family members & friends) in search of a 2^nd car again. One that will fit our extremely tight budget! February came to a close with all of us feeling much more stressed & beginning to show signs of reaching our collective & individual breaking points!

So, March simply has to be better! Right?

Well, it’s the 20^th (already) and so far; NO! March is not any better than the first two months of 2022!

We are all stressed in every possible direction life takes!

Efforts to find an affordable 2^nd car are proving to be very near to impossible! A few “near misses” have provided a slim, sliver of hope that is ultimately dashed. Still searching!

Finances are stretched more than they’ve ever been in the last decade! In the last five years, even!

Landlord tells me my 4-year-old stove is toast! It’s not possible to replace the fried motherboard, so it’s not coming back. I will just have to make-do with the very old stove they brought in (to use until the newer one was repaired – the one that different circuit boards got fried 2 times prior to the motherboard going out) as it’s not very likely that they will be buying any new stoves anytime soon.

And for each of us, various health issues are getting worse again and it has each of us wondering just how much more can we take?

Spring is often a time of new beginnings!

Beginning today I am changing how I begin & end each day! I am taking steps to directly improve how I’m feeling, mentally & physically. The plan is to work harder on MY own person and allow that to spread outwardly to my daughters. As I write this I am filled with doubts in my own abilities. At the same time, I am full of hope, filled with an enormous desire, and very much consumed with the idea that (as with past extreme challenges) I will find the right path to bring the 4 of us to a better place in the next 11 days!

This will be challenging; perhaps the most challenging course of action I’ve taken in at least two decades! My intention is to journal about it daily. A daily recall of what I’ve accomplished will be my own sort of accountability. It could also be a way to track those things I’m changing that haven’t been habits before now.

Two years of pandemic restrictions have put a wall of isolation around many of us. I know I haven’t kept in touch with as many people as I would have liked; people that I used to have very frequent interactions with, some even daily. Now would be a good time to reconnect! Many are here online in various ways. My hope in sharing this is to get & give support in dealing with life’s challenges. We all have them!

May we all have HAPPY SPRINGTIME BEGINNINGS!